I definitely do not share this much with any of my confidants. Not that I do not trust them with my innermost thoughts, but I live under a constant fear of being misunderstood, even though my basic need is to mentally merge with others. But they make me realize that we are all individuals at the end of the day. So I internalize  the potential conflict and give free reign to it. I let it wander.  At times, I notice a colourful shoe and a cloud that matches the shape, and I feel like penning down my thoughts. There are moments when my urge to write surpasses every other temptation. I try to witness nuances to a given situation, and the reason I can come across as spaced out is that I end up in a confusion created by multiple perspectives. And that’s one of the major reasons for my undying love for analysis through the pen (technology, in this case). It helps me sort myself out. I often fantasise about speaking my mind, but when I shift to paper, it gets channelized into something constructive. Or so I think. Or so I hope. If I fail to construct anything, I go to sleep. Sleep makes me forget my failures, for a while at least. I am often stripped of my freedom of expression by predicaments that almost every foolish, stupid, romantic person faces. But I somehow manage to remain independent in my mind. I’m glad I cannot be stripped of my ability to think, even if I sound eccentric and weird at times. I admit I sound idiotic at times. But that’s because I shift from frame to frame, scene to scene in my mind. I make my imagination and observation cooperate with each other to help me recover from my ‘bad hair days’. I come here to vent. I try to disguise my emotions into some seemingly beautiful lines so that I deliberately remain elusive. Yes, at times it’s deliberate. If you get it, I’ll be happy to let you in my ‘reserve’. If you don’t, I’ll revel in the status quo of appearing mysterious. I write not to catch attention, although a bit of that may or may not hurt. But I write to make the page ‘feel’ how I feel. And I write to keep in touch with my emotions, and to delve into the unexplored and unexpressed layers. Here lies my ultimate freedom.


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