We lose our wallet, and we get a mini heart-attack, we lose our precious job, and we stand devastated on the crossroads of a journey called life. We lose a partner to death or divorce or even a break-up, and life definitely comes to a standstill. We go through the same emotions inside, with different degrees of their flow. What we go through is called insecurity, vulnerability, or fear. And the root cause for the anxiety produced by toxic emotions: attachment. I wonder how life would have been had all of us been detached. But then, we’re all humans, and the reason why we’re different is that we are made up of emotions in multitudinous proportions. We’re a colourful species, aren’t we? Sulking one moment, laughing the next, enraged the next few, and we smile to sleep. Or maybe we don’t. ‘Cause something happened that shook us from within. “Something happened in the office”, “something did not feel right”, “something does not feel right with that woman, why was she talking to my husband in that tone” “I wish I could be like her, and more than that, I wish I could acknowledge it to her”,”They’re not going to like me if I do not try to fit in with them”, “What will they think about me if I tried to do this”, “I don’t earn enough money, I am a loser” etc..We try to sleep and make tireless efforts towards it, but in vain. Turning and tossing, we do not even notice the sweat beads that form on our foreheads while we’re exercising that brain at a time when the only interrogatory signal it tries to give to us is ‘give it a rest, will you?’
My father said a very profound thing once. He said, ‘security is a state of mind’. We often say that happiness is a state of mind, but then again, you can be happy only if you feel secure. Feeling vulnerable at the hands of unprecedented situations, fate, karma, is something we cannot escape by virtue of being humans. We have been blessed with the divine gift of ‘life’, and it has to go on. It is not short. It is longer than most things. We call it a roller coaster ride because the highs in life soon turn into vanishing points. Attachment to money, property, or the essence thereof, attachment to people, and of course, attachment to other living beings causes us to surrender a part of our beings to all those bonds. That is why, it is not funny to make fun of someone who is attached to a pet dog, or who is trying to restore stability in life and sanity in mind after his/her wallet got stolen. Life can be painful for a widow because she wakes up to a feeling of insecurity and vulnerability surrounding her soul. She might start to feel that life itself has deserted her, and has left her to weep in a corner, where nobody would be able to heal her. She lives for her children, but she struggles to live in each moment, during the time she’s awake. She is insecure. She has a lot of fears now. She is afraid her kids would get separated from her. She is terribly scared she’ll lose her job, or the humble abode she had so lovingly decorated with her life-partner. Actually, she’s scared of unforeseeable circumstances as well. Three houses away from her house stays a boy who is smitten by the girl-next-door. He feels like a clingy crab each time he spots her with the likes of him, but he buries this insecurity in his sleep. He wishes for a lot more, but he wishes most for courage. Non-alcoholic courage. He tosses and turns in his bed, making progress in his mind. His heart beats more with the anxiety than anything mushy. His is a pretty vivid imagination, which gets dampened by beads of perspiration. And then he ensconces himself in the darkness of his own being, after which he goes to sleep somehow. He wakes up feeling the remnants of the tales his mind recalls. He chides himself, rebukes himself, smiles to himself and leads a double life, ’cause each time she smiles, she seems further away…he is attracted to her, but is not mad about her. And yet he wants her. Needs her. He lives in a shell, ’cause he is still…insecure.
What’s there to say about a man who started from scratch to build an empire intimidating every other business group around. No, he did not let success go to his head. But he ended up letting failure go to his heart. One day, he was left bankrupt. He was shellshocked. He could not bear the trauma. He started taking pills for depression and a plethora of pain-induced diseases. Perhaps, there existed only one panacea: financial security. But more than the feeling financial security would have brought him, he was indebted to his family members, who still made him feel so strong in the face of adversity. It was a lesson for him. Money could not have bought him this bonding and moments of togetherness with family. This was the security he needed above all. That’s where he had been deriving his strength from all these years. That’s when he resolved to make things secure for them. And we all know that hardwork never fails. It never lets us down.
Security can take many forms depending on where people come from, where their thoughts come from. To be happy is to be secure. Most of us do not like to be insecure. We can choose to see happiness in the most mundane things, or we can choose to stay morose. Our choices and our decisions speak volumes about us. And so do our epiphanies. Even if they knock at our door at an inopportune time. But it’s never too late to change something. And we can go on changing and reverting back to our choices until we feel ‘secure’. Everyone in the world is seeking security, because we are all attached to something or the other. It’s called ‘moh’. Some common forms include a job, marriage, a heavy wallet, incremental salary etc. We also tend to seek security through love, and being loved. We feel secure when we analyse our love quotient on how a particular person makes ‘us’ feel. Sounds kind of selfish, right? Maybe that’s why those learned love gurus and philosophers preach that love is about letting someone go..but the irony is that it is the only thing which makes us all feel secure. And happy.


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