A woman hangs out with her male friends because, well..they are all friends. She enters a relationship probably when she is really in love with the man. But her motivation to stay in any kind of relationship/friendship is based mainly on how ‘safe’ she feels in it. The definition of safety can differ from one woman to another, but most women feel safe when they are vulnerable in front of their partner. It sounds highly ironic, but for most of the female population, it is true. I hope I am sending the right message across the male population. On second thoughts, this might serve as a guide to becoming a gentleman.
- She might be an extrovert, and be really pally with you. Even touchy. But that does not mean that she is making an advance on you. If she is generally having a happy time at an occasion, do not take it for granted that she likes being touched at inappropriate places (the definition of which again differs from one woman to another). If her girlfriends come to know that you tried to act smart with her and ended up making her feel violated while she was drunk in a party, or that you otherwise got her drunk without her consent, they will make sure that you witness their wrath. Beware, losers.
- If she musters courage enough to profess her one-sided love to you, do not make her a butt of your jokes by sharing it with all your friends. Also, at times your intentions might be good but your foolish friends might make a good joke out of it and before you know, EVERYONE is talking about it. Act sensibly. She could very well have made it clear on a public portal if she wanted to expose her feelings to opinions and judgments of a thousand people.
- Take a stand for her when you know she is in the right. Someone might have framed her in a scandal, or a gossipmonger might be ruining her image, or a stalker might be playing with her life. There are many occasions when friendship gets tested, and when things are clear, there should be no ambiguity about what must be done.
- If you are best friends, respect the ‘best’ things. DO NOT share what she tells you with any other soul. Most women are introverted, and opening up does not come easily to them. Respect her need for privacy by taking her secrets to the grave. She might (fortunately or unfortunately) end up falling in love with you, for all you know.
Lovers and So-called lovers
- Yes, it matters to her when you ask her questions (about her life, about her interests, about her dreams and aspirations, about her childhood, about her insecurities), because it shows her that you are interested in her. But let go of your male ego and insecurities and try to be forthcoming with your own little secrets too. She will be glad to be your confidante. Women who take questions at face value shall answer at face value. Period. But it does not mean that they are shallow or untrustworthy. On the contrary, it means that they are naïve, sometimes dangerously so. It’s both a blessing and a curse, depending on whether you are a ‘lover’ or a ‘so-called lover’.
- Do not hold preconceived notions about her. She might end up surprising herself, and in turn, you, because if she is in love, she will go out of the way for you. Beyond her imagination. Beyond your imagination.
- One day, you ask her if she wants to drink. If she says yes, please do not judge her. She probably agreed because she feels safe enough to drink in your presence. And safety in this case is not only confined to physicality, but also extends to the fact that you do not go and badmouth her in front of your pals. If she says no, please do not suspect her. She is not scared to tell you anything, if she has shared the last layer of her heart (and skin) with you.
- As for physicality, do not tell her what to do about her skin colour, body hair, marks, height, weight, or whatever catches your (often perverted) eye. For all you (do not) know, she might have Fibromyalgia, or hyperthyroidism, or something more grave that calls for more attention than her physical attributes. The least you can do is lend a sympathetic ear to her, and that is probably what she expects from you at the most. Low-maintenance, isn’t it?
- Act according to what HER definition of ‘private’ is. Do not show private pictures to your friends (whether male or female), and do not share with your friends (whether male or female) what happened behind closed doors. She will trust her life with you, and will respect you A LOT.
- On many occasions, even the most independent woman will hold your hand gently while crossing the road, or just like that. She probably sees you as a ‘dependable’ person. Please act like a gentleman, and do not even think about jerking her hand away if you care about her, because you will end up bruising her inside, and if she has not mentioned it to you, she is going to remember it for a long, long time.
- Do not ridicule or shun the expression of ‘cheesy’ things. What seems cheesy to you might be her idea of romance. Let her express her emotions. Positive and negative. She will respect you and feel safer if you do not tell her things like “there are sadder people on this earth” when she is upset. That’s really not the way you are supposed to handle her emotions. Do not act as if you are the most emotionally intelligent person around, because if you were, you would not act like a jerk. Wiping her tears away and cheering her up will make you more of a man than just ignoring them.
- Do not (if you can) stare at the bare cleavage of your favourite female celebrity on that magazine poster in front of her if she disapproves of it. DO NOT ogle at other women in front of her (and even otherwise, if you can). If she is not tolerant, she will lash out at you at once, but if she is tolerant to a fault, she will feel really bad and disrespected but instead of confronting you, she will make some excuse for you in her mind. But she will soon be back to reality and will start doubting your commitment to her, and will start to wonder just how exclusive your feelings are for her. She has every right to be judgemental here.
- Have the decency to not leave her alone when you pick up a fight in the midst of some Godforsaken place. Even the most compassionate woman might never forgive you.
- This one is for the ex who has no X-factor. Ok, if you are man enough, do not spread bad, false rumours about her, and do not gossip about her. That is preposterous, ridiculous, extremely pathetic, and unmanly, all rolled into one. Have some respect for the relationship you had with her, otherwise she will lose all respect she once had for you, and will never forgive you. Of course, you wouldn’t care, but you have every reason to feel scared if she feels vengeful.
- Protect her, but do not restrict her. She will swim away before you know it. Respect her freedom and she will reward you with your own space. Be possessive, but please do not suspect her all the time. Trust her. Treat her neither like a kid, nor like a Goddess. Love happens between equals, and it should remain that way.
- If you cannot feel anything for her (let alone possessiveness or protectiveness), please be upfront about it. Do not waste her time by keeping her as a back-up option, and/or by playing with her feelings. She will respect you undiminished. Honesty is the best policy in matters of the heart.
- Last but never the least, DO NOT name-call her, or abuse her, either verbally or physically. Do not be rude to her if she is rarely, or never rude to you. She probably cannot handle your meanness, but she will thank you for the neat blog posts that got inspired from your messed-up nonsense. If she does not abuse verbally, she will not like it if you abuse her or anyone else in front of her. As for physical abuse, pray for yourself. ‘Karma has no deadline’. We always get back more of what we give. If she does not retaliate, someone else will, maybe in some other form.
Women are givers. If a woman gives you her valuable time, you should know that you top her priority list. She might not even be aware that you are Number 1, but ‘time’ is a factor which gives away everything, and it is true for you men too. Isn’t it? Because when you stop calling her, she knows something is wrong. She probably googles all the ‘Why’s floating in her mind, but she is scared to confront you because she does not know if she is strong enough to listen to the truth. A woman’s intuition is more often than not, bang on. When you stop texting her, she knows you do not love her enough, but she makes an excuse thinking you are ‘busy’. Anyone who says they do not have time is lying. That’s a very cruel way of saying “I want out, but I am scared to make the effort. Can you do it for me, like you always have?” And it’s because where there’s a will, there’s a way. If you really want to be cruel to her, just tell her the truth. Be a man. There’s a reason God made you one. And for obvious reasons, God made us stronger than you men. Moral: Your strength does not lie in your ability to make wrong assumptions about her. The only time you ACTUALLY display your strength of character is when you truly respect a girl/woman.