I, for the time being the Chamcha of the Apeejay Kolkata Literary Festival, dedicate this post to the fraternity of the Chamchas, as an entry to the The Great Indian Blogging Contest, as a part of the Apeejay Kolkata Literary Festival 2015.
Saiko sits on the plush red couch which is always customarily occupied by his boss and falls asleep to the lullaby composed by the two needles. Tick, tock, tick, tock..the wall clock is ticking. The bell rings, and enter Mr. Boss. The lazy Saiko suddenly gets transformed into a trailblazer and with a swift motion, switches his position to the rickety chair kept in the corner. Sans any compunction on his fat, freckled face, he welcomes Mr. Boss. His face stretches into a broad, contrived, short-spanned smile which any psycho(logist) could see through. What he indeed reveals to the others is his maroon-coloured teeth, stained with chewed paan. He leaves no stone unturned in making his gestures flawless. He indulges in his only exercise by stretching his limbs during the saashtanga pranaama that he offers to Mr. Boss. Mr. Boss blesses Saiko and tells Saiko about the ‘things to do’ in a monotone, interrupted only by an intermittent repetition of ‘Yes, Sir’, ‘Sir’, ‘Definitely Sir’, ‘No problem, Sir’. Saiko, with his bowed head, notes down everything and fakes another smile.
He checks the items that would make him uncountably wealthier, and crosses the rest. He meets people and since he feels rather incongruous in that elite gathering, he ab-uses the glory of his charismatic boss to attract undivided attention, and unobtrusive gains. He goes back grinning from ear to ear, and rants about how those ‘things to do’ were accomplished. He tries to put up a rather modest face by donning a quizzical albeit docile look when asked rhetorical questions aimed at praising him. Impressed by his end-eavours, Mr. Boss grants him a seat on the plush couch, indicating the extent of his ‘inner circle’. Saiko thinks that his boss was indeed a fool to not know that he was being fooled all this while. And thus, he continues to act like a fool. He despises Mr. Boss, but he somehow manages to ruefully change his expression of grimace to contentment, in a matter of seconds.
The next day is an important day. Saiko waits for Mr. Boss on the couch for a character certificate that he urgently needs. After the usual exchange of greetings and gestures, Mr. Boss offers him a file containing the character certificate. On it were embossed the words ‘This is to certify that Mr. Saiko has dutifully and obediently worked as a Great Indian Chamcha, and is awarded penalties to be measured at the cost of sounding boastful‘. Saiko fainted on the plush couch, and got up only to resign. This time, his act was for real. For a chamcha-tic change.