She pointed out to me-“you get bored so easily. You get bored with clothes, with food, and I don’t know what else. Will you ask for another husband too after you get married?” The question did it. It made me finally find the answer to the question- “when was the last time you cried?”
I am not good at multitasking. I can’t cry and talk at the same time. So I could not say in my defense that I don’t mind eating the same breakfast every single day as long as it is fresh. Of course I like flexi-work, but I will always prefer a routine, because routines make me feel like I am useful, and they make me more disciplined. After all the work, one realises the need for some play, and routines do that for me. I enjoy spending time cultivating my hobbies after a hard day’s work (or even a soft day’s work). I could not tell her that I will prefer a uniform to wearing different clothes everyday. No wonder I feel bored wearing even colours. Not to mention the 10 minutes I waste every single day trying to think what I should wear to work. Only a person in uniform can truly understand the importance of colours in life. Those who wear colours everyday get bored with colours. And that’s not a colourful sight.
It got me thinking about ‘living’ examples of living beings. I am still in touch with my childhood friends. I try my best to maintain all my friendships, even though I know I could have done fine with just a couple of friends throughout my life. I could not tell her that it is people who get bored with me, not the other way round. It certainly takes some patience to spend time with a person who takes time to start talking, and who really can’t gossip much. Most people end up losing patience with me even if they do not want to let it on, and that is why I have been a trashcan for a few people.
That is why, I have been loyal to myself and only myself for a long time now. I don’t feel the need to meet or interact with new people, so I don’t. My only basic need is solitude. No, I am not lonely, I am not melancholy either. I am in a very happy space. In fact, this feeling comes second to the euphoria I had felt when I had fallen in love 4 years back (or maybe, this feeling tops the list..’cause euphoria is always a fleeting moment, it is an illusion; the next thing you know, you come crashing down). I embrace my solitude because I want to find myself. Of all the decisions in my life that I have ever taken for myself, I am proudest of this one decision. I believe that if one can be loyal to oneself, they definitely will be able to manage being loyal to someone else. Of course, life throws weird things at us, so we can never be sure about anything. I don’t think I can handle drama in life anymore..so her prediction about me might just turn out to be correct. I may be seen wanting a new husband if the first one turns out to be an(other) idiot.
But till then, I am a peaceful person. My fidelity to myself gets rewarded every single day with fidelity itself. What more can anyone ask for?